Victoria’s husband, Richard, was a captain in the Navy.
“He was one of 11 in the world that used to go out if there was a big shipping disaster,” said Victoria. "He would go and climb on the plane, as he used to say, and off he'd go at a moment's notice, all over the world. He was very well respected.”
Richard was referred to our care in September 2021, with cancer of the throat.
"He fought it all the way,” said Victoria. “He wanted to die at home; he didn't want to go into the Hospice. So he stayed at home and I cared for him. We haven't got any children, so I was caring for him on my own, but I was coping. I’m a retired nurse; I used to work in plastic surgery, in the burns unit. He liked being at home. He could look out of the window, and he had one of our dogs, Daisy, on his lap for comfort. Because of where the cancer was, he couldn’t talk; he had to write everything down with chalk on a blackboard. We set up a little buzzer for him to alert me if he needed anything, especially in the night. He couldn't walk; he actually collapsed in the bathroom, and from then on he was bedbound. He couldn’t eat either, and he became extremely emaciated. We got to the last six weeks, but I was getting so very tired, caring for him on my own. I wasn’t getting any sleep.”
Richard was referred to our Hospice at Home team, who visit patients at home, providing the medical, nursing, therapeutic, practical and emotional support they need. The team also supports patients’ carers too, providing advice and reassurance, and taking on some of the carer duties, so that family members can focus on spending quality time with their loved ones. Having the team visit, enables patients to spend their last days at home, if that is what they wish.
“Phyllis Tuckwell stepped in and provided all the equipment we needed. They were absolutely marvellous; it was a great relief to have them. Their occupational therapist organised for us to have a hospital bed, so Richard could sit up. It had a special mattress too, to help with pressure sores. She also got us a Zimmer frame so Richard could stand up, and a commode.”
Our nursing team cared for Richard, visiting to offer nursing and personal care. Their support helped Victoria too, who had been Richard’s sole carer up until then.
“It made a dramatic change to my life. I had no one else, because it was just the two of us here. They relieved all the stress I had from caring for him on my own. They were so kind, so caring, so gentle. They were very efficient too, and friendly and cheerful. Nothing was too much trouble. And they knew what they were doing; they were very well trained. Richard really looked forward to seeing them. They were just like old friends in the end. They would say to me: ‘you go and have a cup of tea, have a rest, we'll take over now’ and they would chat to Richard and say ‘how are you today?’ and all this sort of thing. Richard loved them. He’d write down a joke and they’d laugh. They gave him a lot of self-respect. It’s undignified to be stuck in bed; but because of them, he was able to keep his dignity. They weren’t just there for Richard though, they were there for me, too. I was able to get some sleep, which I badly needed. And I was very impressed with their nursing; you couldn't fault it. I can't speak highly enough of them.”
Richard was also visited by one of our doctors, who prescribed him pain relief medication.
“The Phyllis Tuckwell doctor came, and he, Richard and I all had a little chat. He sat and talked to Richard, and he was very nice. Richard wasn't in any discomfort, but he had to sit up all the time because otherwise he couldn't breathe or swallow. The doctor visited on the Tuesday, and Richard died on the Friday morning. He drifted away in his sleep. He didn't really suffer at all. He died peacefully at home, which was his wish.”
A few days after Richard died, Victoria was visited by two of our Hospice at Home team.
“Two of the nurses visited me independently of each other, to check on my welfare. I was really surprised. They just came just to see how I was. It was very thoughtful of them. I was very impressed, especially when they are so busy. I'd give them 100%, without a doubt. They were just marvellous, faultless really.”
Victoria has kindly included a gift to Phyllis Tuckwell in her Will. As the NHS/Government funding we receive only covers around 25% of our costs, we have to raise over £25,000 every day to be able to provide our care, and gifts in Wills form a large part of this. They provide a fifth of our annual income, meaning that they pay for the care of one in five of our patients. Knowing that someone has left us a gift in their Will enables us to plan for the future, secure in the knowledge that the care we give in years to come will be funded by these generous donations.
“I knew about Phyllis Tuckwell; I've supported them for years,” said Victoria, “but even more so now. It's such a good cause. I was so impressed; they made an awful lot of difference to Richard, and that he could stay at home was really good. He always had his dignity. It really made such a difference. My family know that I'm leaving a gift to Phyllis Tuckwell in my Will and they quite agree.
Victoria believes that the Hospice at Home service is very important to patients and carers like her and Richard.
“It’s extremely important. I don't know what I would have done without them, to be honest. I think Phyllis Tuckwell is exceptional.”
