Ian and Ann were childhood sweethearts. They grew up in Wimborne, Dorset, where they married and had two sons. After travelling around England with work, they settled in Fleet. In 2019, Ann became ill and was diagnosed with cancer.
“Ann was the bedrock of our family,” said Ian. “We were supported by the team at Frimley Park Hospital and also by the Macmillan nurses. Ann had three sessions of chemotherapy and then underwent a major operation. She was discharged on Christmas Eve with a stoma and a hernia, and her chemotherapy sessions continued. We set up a ‘hospital ward’ at home, in a room with an adjoining bathroom, and Ann was referred to Phyllis Tuckwell. We knew very little about them, but we understood the care that hospices provide and felt comforted that they were there for her. One of their doctors visited us at home to assess Ann and we had regular phone contact with their nurses.”
In 2020, the Covid lockdown came into force.
“That changed everything. At one stage food was difficult to get, and also medicine. The Phyllis Tuckwell night nurses were there to carry us through it, though. Watching the headlights of their approaching car was always such a relief.”
Our Hospice at Home team supports patients in their own home or care home, providing them with all the medical, nursing, therapeutic, emotional, practical and pastoral care they and their families and carers need. The team works closely with other local healthcare providers, including hospitals, to ensure that the care provided is joined up and seamless.
“The effects of the chemotherapy on Ann’s quality of life eventually became too much, and with everyone’s agreement the treatment was stopped. I continued caring for Ann at home, but as time went on that became beyond my capabilities.”
Ian and Ann celebrated their 55th wedding anniversary on 9th October 2020, but the following May, the nurses at Frimley Park Hospital asked Ann if she thought the time had come to go to the Hospice.
“Ann agreed, and the very next day she was admitted to Phyllis Tuckwell’s In-Patient Unit, with a big smile on her face. She had her own room with a view of the garden, and we could wheel her bed outside and sit out there together. That meant the world to us. The relief I felt that she was now in safe hands was overwhelming. Even with the ongoing threat of Covid, Phyllis Tuckwell made it possible for me to visit her every day. I cannot praise too highly the love and devotion shown to us both by everyone at Phyllis Tuckwell.”
Our In-Patient Unit (IPU) provides specialist medical and nursing care for patients who need symptom management or are in their last days of life. When a patient is ill, their families are affected too, and our IPU staff offer compassionate support to them, too.
“Phyllis Tuckwell’s doctors and nurses looked after Ann in the final month of her life, controlling her pain and maintaining her dignity. Her courage and fortitude throughout her illness, refusing to give in, was such an inspiration to us all in the family. Pastoral visits were important to her and she received the Anointing of the Sick on 20th June 2021, just a few days before she died. All of her family were with her at the end.”
“After Ann died, the greatest help that Phyllis Tuckwell provided was a warm and all-embracing, comforting hug. I spoke to the staff there and in particular made a good friend in Leanne.”
Leanne works in our Fundraising team, where she supports bereaved relatives and friends to remember their loved ones and support our care, though placing an engraved leaf on our Memory Tree, for example, or leaving a gift to us in their Will.
“I remember walking with Leanne in the peaceful Hospice garden, and sitting together by the Memory Tree, where we were visited by a robin singing its heart out on a silver birch tree.”
Ian was also put in touch with one of our counsellors, who support patients and families during a patient’s illness and offer bereavement support to patients’ loved ones.
“I threw myself into Ann's funeral arrangements, probate, and all the other things that needed to be attended to, and at the same time decided to move home back to Wimborne, where Ann and I grew up. The grief that I had buried now hit me, and I remember telling my GP that all I could see was a black curtain in front of me. I wanted to see beyond it, but I couldn’t. He diagnosed post-traumatic stress disorder. I joined a newly formed local bereavement group and also had one-to-one counselling, which led me to talk about Ann, and slowly the black curtain opened. The time came when I felt able to face the world again. The group has now morphed into a Tuesday social coffee group, and all eight of us have become good friends. I am making a new life and friends for myself. Ann is always with me in love, in photos and in memories, and forever will be, but I have accepted whatever the future holds for me.”
“Leaving a gift to Phyllis Tuckwell in my Will felt to be a tangible way in which I could express my thanks to and support of Phyllis Tuckwell for the care they gave Ann. It is impossible to express the love that emanates from Phyllis Tuckwell, or my everlasting gratitude to them for the care they gave Ann in the final month of her life. Leaving a gift in my Will can help them to continue providing the desperately needed help that they give to those who are suffering.”
